Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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