Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
