I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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