i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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