Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
id be glad to
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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