I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
