wakey wakey hands off snakey
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
