Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
