I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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