I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
