so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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