Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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