Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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