I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You can't just leave with hair like that
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
