is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
