shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
