Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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