I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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