Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
