Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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