This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Randomize
