I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
