I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
...so i touched it.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
