Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
