He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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