Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
