I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
