Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
