There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
