she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
