Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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