I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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