I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
