if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
