I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
