Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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