it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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