Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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