Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I think I sprained my soul last night
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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