it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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