sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
