I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
