wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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