If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
