i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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