i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
