I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
