"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
