Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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