Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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