Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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