If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
